Whether you planned it, didn’t expect it, or never thought it could happen, HERE YOU ARE.
I believe all women have this moment. No matter how you came to this place in your life or what you thought you believed before about yourself...
You are now a mother and … HOLY SHIT. (LOL)
Now what?.. Well let me tell you something. You got this.
In this generation, we are bombarded with influence and judgement. From the many lifestyles, to the plethora of scientific discovery, we are at a time of OVER stimulation. For every new piece of credible knowledge we get 5 times more “static noise” of bullshit. At this point we second guess ourselves about ultimately EVERYTHING. So how do you find your way? Where do you begin? My first piece of advice...
Take time AWAY from the pressure and the noise.
It is time to decide. Time to decide what kind of mother you want to be. What kind of woman you want your son or daughter to grow up knowing, and who will raise and influence them.
Ask yourself these questions. Who do you want to be for YOURSELF? Then… Who do you want to be to your child/children?
That is where you begin.
Silence your phone, remove yourself from any screen. Take a walk with yourself (literally or figuratively) and envision your future and what that looks like to you as a mother. You don’t need a weekend to do this. You don’t need to overthink about planning this time with yourself. It could be an afternoon at lunchtime. It could be in bed staring into the darkness, when you may dare to reflect on yourself before drifting to sleep.
What do you desire for yourself and future children?
When you are done with this first step, the next step is making the changes, improvements and sacrifices it is going to take to make this vision a reality.
It starts with YOU boo.
Forgive and HEAL
This one goes for ALL parents but especially for new ones.
Forgive? Forgive who?
Yourself. Forgive yourself… No really... It’s ok.
All us women seem to hold on to things. Lots of different kinds of things on all different levels. It could be a past relationship, mistake, accident, trauma, what-if, regret… Just forgive yourself. Let it all go. Doesn’t matter what it is. Today you have decided to forgive and start new. Time to MOVE ON.. If you need help to work through some of your bigger challenges, allow yourself to get that help as best as you can. You’ve got larger mountains to climb, my love.
Good.. That’s over.. Now another hard one.
This is the time to forgive all that have hurt you, used you, neglected you, abandoned you, disappointed you, offended you, or let you down.
“ARE YOU CRAZY?! … WHY?”
Because all that negative energy is TOXIC. That’s why. On your mind, body and spirit.
Not only is this good practice for YOUR soul, baby girl, it’s good practice for the good of your children as well. No matter what you believe, and I say this a lot, energy is REAL. When we hang on to hurt and anger, we think it is punishing the wrongdoer in our life but really, we’re more hurting ourselves and our own growth. Anger, pain, resentment are all ANCHORS... and we are trying to FLY. That negative energy causes an imbalance in our bodies and then leads to an imbalance of the mind and spirit; it is all connected.
You are preparing to bring a child into this world. This baby needs you as your best self. Your WHOLE self. Not the leftovers of what the negative voids leave behind. When we HEAL we FILL these voids, we grow. How can we grow when there is a black hole inhibiting our ability to do so? Forgive Them. You’ll thank yourself later.
Still with me?
OK :) ... Let's keep movin'...
Every mother, new or not, deserves the chance to simply decide who they want to be and how that want to be that person. We have a duty to ourselves as mothers to discover this within ourselves. Without the opinions of others getting in our way. Do we sometimes want guidance and some advice? OMG, YES PLEASE! However, in the end it is still on us to make a decision .. and hold ourselves accountable to it.
FIND YOUR STRENGTH
You are going to need it. :) … Oh yea… Motherhood is a doozy.
You have it in you Mama, you do. It may be buried, it may be bruised, but that deep rooted strength was carved in by your ancestors. For some of us it’s only a stoke of the fire we need, for others its a spark to ignite the flame, but for those who have yet to find it... IT IS THERE. You were born with it. It may be buried in the self doubt, shame or fear... But keep digging, you WILL find it. I promise.
If you think you can’t find your strength… which I hope none of you do, then SURROUND yourself with the strong. With the like-minded. With those who LOVE you truly. And hire a doula that will nurture the mother hidden inside you that you were destined to become.
You got this Mama, and I’m with you every step of the way.
Light and Love,
The Village Doula